Was I a wild child?

I don’t think my granny ever knew

When she came back from the shops

And found the door 

locked

From the inside

Me all sweetness and light 

saying Granny dear

I have no idea 

why the door should be locked from the 

inside

Whilst fiddling and rattling and saying it must be broke

I rushed to the back door

To get rid of two blokes

Local barmen actually

From Scotland 

The two men were quickly dressing

Half naked in my back garden

Hoping they could scale the fence

Me in my sweetest innocence

Did I come across as stoned, who me?

Granny dear 

would you like a cup of tea?

Says me with the sweetest smile

Was I a wild child?

After all it’s quite normal when you’re sweet 16

To play strip poker stoned and smoking joints

Upstairs in your house with the two barmen from the pub

Isn’t it?

And yes 

Dad

I did meet this guy on holiday

He’s a great guy

You’d like him

How old you say?

Well he thought I was 18

My fault really

You see 

I’d changed my year of birth

On my youth hostel card

Only by 2 years

That’s not so bad

But yea,  he is the youth hostel warden

And he’s 42

You want to meet him?

Make me a ward of court

I am a wild child

Just as you thought

No wonder I was expelled 

From that well known school

For ladies

I was a wild child

No ifs no buts no maybes

I can see him every other weekend

Are you sure?

Ah, hmmm , now it’s sanctioned

I don’t want to see him anymore